Coming through!
I'm telling you again, keep your hands off me!
Please sir, I'll be with you in a moment. Don't walk away!
What kind of doctor are you, anyway? Just a minute.
Doctor, I can't feel my arm!
I can't feel your arm right now, either... Can somebody feel his arm?
I can't feel it!
Don't touch my hair! Kiss the boo-boo! Kiss the boo-boo!
Hey, you're still here. Yeah, I'm still here. Can you believe it?
Oh, hey! Save me some coffee, you savage.
Down here. And it's over here. And it's on my hand...
What's this, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents?"
Hey, what's the problem?
Gunshot wound, shoulder and abdomen. We've been paging you for five minutes.
You on California time already? I was in radiology working on my tan.
Pulse one-twenty. Okay, get this guy typed and crossed, huh?
Okay, okay, question.
Beverly Hills. The most beautiful women in the world.
Plastic surgery. What do these three things have in common? Huh?
Me, in less than a week.
Okay, don't worry about his shoulder. This guy's probably bleeding internally.
Lap him, push another bottle of ringers. Call Dr. Sotto.
Tell him to prep for O.R., 'cause I'm outta here tonight.
Man, try to convince me I'm gonna be nostalgic for this place..
.. when I'm at the Halberstrom Clinic. You're going to Halberstrom?
Cosmetic surgery for the rich and famous. Yeah, well, I'm not in it for the money.
Half a million dollar salary the first year he makes partner.
Look, the high-profile, high-profit stuff just makes it possible for us to do..
.. reconstructive surgery for the needier patients.
You're a saint. You got another customer over there.
All right. Get out of here. I'll cover it. My going-away present to you...
.. Okay, what's the problem? Too much fun. Substance unknown.
Okay, stay with us. Hey! Stay with us.
What'd you take, man, huh? Bluebirds, dillies, love boats?
I heard, uh, Halberstrom might not even hire anyone this year.
Well, I'm not anyone.
Listen, Mulready, some of the guys are having a little bash for me tonight.
A going-away party, you know. And if you're interested in it, I'd love to...
Not in this lifetime. Good night.
Oh my God. Clean up. -Thanks.
Come on. What do you say, guys? Dinner, huh? At least think about it.
Come on... it's my last night. A couple of lousy beers?
Take care, man. Guys?
I'll send you a postcard...
What?
At the risk of sounding schmaltzy, I just want to tell you that, uh,
.. you're a schmuck, and I hope I never see you again.
Thanks, Tommy. I know how hard it was for you to say that.
You're a good doctor, Ben. I just thought you were gonna practice real medicine.
You think I'm making a mistake going to Halberstrom?
Nah. Cosmetic surgery, it's clean.
You make tons of money. Nobody dies.
What's wrong with that, right? Right.
Bye, Ben.
Ah, come on...
Whoa! Look out!
You're crazy, Ray! Read it to me. Read it.
If he goes that way, he won't get there. It's three miles to the...
All right, all right, okay, okay. Can I just ask you? Where am I now?
He just ornery on me, and I didn't know what to do.
Oh man! Oh God! Oh God! I'm okay.
Shit! Accident. A woman in the middle of the road with a cow!
Oh God! All right, I'm okay. All right.
Oh man, my car! Oh! The whole front end is shot!
Am I glad you're here.
Is that a fifty-six or a fifty-seven Speedster?
Fifty-six.
Hey, come on! Get out! Get out! Will you get out of the car? Get away from there.
Took me three weeks to build that fence.
Look, I'm sorry.
Now, does this have a super ninety engine or a sixteen hundred?
The way I look at it, it wasn't really anybody's fault.
So my insurance company will probably pay for the entire fence.
And, and that should be fine. Is that okay? Won't be the same.
Wait. This ain't a kit car, is it? No, it ain't. It isn't...
My name is Ben Stone. Look, I'm a... I'm a doctor. I'm a medical doctor. I'm a surgeon.
Awesome. Who thrashed the fence?
I'm Ben Stone. Now I can give you the address of my clinic in Los Angeles.
Did he just say he's been stoned? He says he's from L.A.
Send me the bill there. If you want, we can handle it with plastic.
I'm not really from L.A. I'm just on my way to...
You lucky I just happened to be passing through. -What's in the trunk? Pot?
I'm a surgeon. Uh... come on. Will you get away! Get away! Get away from the car!
Sorry. Not you, the dog.
Probably the finest fence I'll ever put up.
I know a Willie Stone up in Stanton. That family of yours?
Can I tell you I understand what you're trying to do here?
Hey, this the new Mazda? Porsche Speedster.
I will not put up with any small-town bullshit!
Hey, where's the dang engine?
Get away from this car! You're not touching this car.
You don't even know where the engine is!
Gotcha.
Look, I'm sorry about what happened.
But it was an accident, okay? It was nobody's fault.
Get me to a telephone.
I'll call a Porsche mechanic in the next big city. I'll get my car fixed.
I'll be on my way... and... and you can go back to doing, you know..
.. whatever it is you do.
All right. I admit! I flattened the damn fence.
What are you gonna do? Lock me up?
Court finds defendant guilty of crimes under motor vehicle code 4-50-3 dash 1-9,
.. reckless driving, and 4-60 dash 2, reckless endangerment.
This is insane. No, this is Grady.
Your honor, there were cows in the middle of the road.
I told you my insurance company would be happy to pay for a new fence.
I built that fence myself!
Neither you nor your insurance can pay me for a fence I built myself.
Can't be done. Next best thing would be a fence that you built.
These hands are delicate instruments.
But I doubt if you could build a good fence anyway. Therefore,
seeing how youre a licensed physician,
and we're a town in acute shortage of medical care..
Oh, you wouldn't...
Your sentence will be sixteen hours of community service,
served as resident doctor at Grady Memorial Hospital.
All right, look. I have to be in Los Angeles by Tuesday, so I don't...
Thirty-two hours. This is extortion!
You want sixty-four hours? No.
Court is adjourned. All rise.
I am so fucked.
Watch your language, Doc. You're in the buckle of the Bible Belt here.
Might try saying, fudge or something.
"Fiddlesticks" too strong? Depends.
Don't you worry about your automobile, now, Doc.
See, I always wanted an excuse to buy me a set of metric tools.
Sugar.
Shit!
I'm Dr. Benjamin Stone. Nurse Packer.
I'm assuming Judge Evans told you.
Fine, here's what I need. Umm,
.. comfortable bed, hot shower, warm meal, locker to put my stuff in, general idea...
Could you show me some kind of identification, please?
I'm wearing glasses there. I wear contacts now.
My hair's a little shorter.
That's a mustache. It's a bad picture.
If you could just direct me to the physician on call tonight, I'll speak to him
"When to call me. You've been stabbed, shot, poisoned, separated from an appendage,
knocked or beaten unconscious, run over by a tractor mower,
.. or generally about to bleed to death.
Otherwise, leave me alone. Signed, Dr. Aurelius Edsel Hogue, M.D."
I'm in the Twilight Zone.
Zwieback and Vitamin C in the upper cabinet if you're hungry.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is the best you can do?
No.
Oh good! You're awake. Welcome to Grady. I'm Mayor Nicholson.
Boy, second I heard there's a big city doctor here in town,
.. I left that rehearsal. I high-tailed over here like an eight-legged dog.
See if there was anything I could do to make you more comfortable.
Shoot, we can do better than this. No, better than this?
Say, these your duffels?
I'm not claiming that Grady's no Paris, France or nothing,
.. but we do got two gas stations. Got us a Winn-Dixie,
.. got us cable TV. You like to play tennis?
We got a brand new tennis court over to the high school.
No, you doctors play golf, though, don't you?
I'm learning how to surf, actually. Isn't this pretty?
We had this fixed up for a doctor. We got it through the want-ads a couple of years ago.
Nobody's been in it for a while, though. Mayor Nicholson.
Yeah? I'm on my way to California.
Don't be thinking that I'm going to be staying here.
Oh, no, no. 'Course not. Well, maybe not.
Yet you give ol' Grady a chance, she just might sneak up on you and leave a mark..
Surprise! Welcoming committee! I hope you're hungry.
Evening, ladies.
Ben Stone, this here is Miss Violet, and Miss Lillian and Miss Maddie.
Ladies, this here is Ben Stone, M.D.
Fried chicken, boiled peanuts, and sweet potato pie.
Catfish, biscuits, butter beans and watermelon.
Hungry Man dinner. I'm a bad cook.
Well, I guess I just say adieu and come chauffeur you in the morning.
No, wait, wait, wait! Nick, wait. Come on. Nick,
.. you can't expect to leave me here in the middle of nowhere with them Its getting late
Don't worry. Only one of 'em horny. And I'm not telling you which one, though. Your face
Want a cocktail?
Anyway, the high-profile, high-profit work..
.. just makes it possible for me to do the more important...
.. reconstructive surgery for needier patients..
.. and get a big house on the beach.
It's just hard to believe. A man as good looking as Dr. Stone should be married.
Well, maybe he ain't found his Adam's rib yet, vi.
Maybe he indulges in the love that dare not speak its name.
Lillian! Will I go blind?
It's moonshine, right? Well, ouzo, actually.
We took a cruise to Greece. Not me. I wasn't invited.
It was one of those Golden Age Tours.
Sunset Tours, Vi, honey. They ate the brains out of a goat.
Not me. We ate dog.
I didn't eat no dog. You don't know that you didn't.
Now, Dr. Stone, there's a legend about friendship quilts. -That's bunk!
Folks say that the first person to sleep under a friendship quilt..
.. will meet the one they're gonna marry.
Dream about the one they're gonna marry, and it's bunk.
What a fine had he has.
Dr. Stone?
Oh God.
Hello.
Hi. Good morning.
Is something wrong? Uh, no, no,
I'm a doctor.
Yeah, I know who you are.
Uh, hey, I'm sorry. Do want this?
If you're a doctor, I don't have anything you haven't seen before.
You can blink now.
All the boys from the state legislature come here, do their recreating.
Boy, can they litter. Yup, presidents come here during the fishing season.
On purpose?
One look at all this, Ben-boy, I'm sure you're saying to yourself,
"I have come to Grady at the most beautiful time of the year. "
But boy, these dogwoods, azaleas, when they bloomin,'
.. they can't hold a candle to the nuclear explosion of color come fall.
Look, Nick. You're the mayor. You have the authority to..
.. commute my sentence. Could you do that?
Look, I'll make it worth your while, all right?
I get back to L.A., maybe we can work something out.
Why on earth would I want to do that?
How am I gonna convince you to stay here if you're not here?
We need a doctor. You need patients.
Get off the interstate, Ben Stone!
Right? Huh?...
Now don't let the signs of prosperity and urban sprawl here in downtown scare you.
We're still the same sleepy little paradise that many big-city shrinks recommend for..
.. their patients with nervous disorders.
It's the calming effect of Grady's natural ozones.
In fact, there's a world-class mental hospital just up the road a ways.
That's a comforting thought.
Ben Stone. do you like coffee? Do you like coffee? We won't go in here.
Is that him?
That's him. He's young, huh?
Boys, this here is Ben Stone,
.. a Hollywood physician who's gonna spend a couple few days with us.
Ben, this here is, Mortimer, John, Audrey. Probably don't want to shake his hand.
Sorty over in the corner, there. Sorty got a cow that sings.
'Course you remember Cotton, Miss Lillian. Hi.
Hollywood. La-la-Land. Beverly Hills, actually.
Hmm, whatever. Well, William's been a movie star.
Oh Audrey. It was just an Army training film.
Oh, come now, you were the star. You played the leading role.
It was about V.D. I was the bacteria. Had a big scene with penicillin.
Mmm, yes. A death scene.
Take a load off, Doctor. This'll stop your worries.
Or start 'em.
So, Doc, what do you think of our town?
I don't know. I haven't seen all of it yet. Oh yeah, you have.
Opportunity abounds here.
Yeah, the growth rate was up point three percent last year.
There's no crime. By the way, we are the county seat.
Fellas, fellas, no point in beating a dead horse to death. That's all in the brochure.
Ben Stone.
We are prepared to offer you..
.. a permanent position as medical practitioner supreme here..
.. in the greater Grady metropolitan area and Squash capital of the South.
The salary's twenty-seven thousand dollars per annum, and plus housing.
Twenty-seven thousand?
There, you see, Nick, I told you... Hold on, ho... thirty thousand.
Look, you people don't even know me.
Well, I noticed right off that he double knots his shoelaces.
Oh, excellent credentials. Shows he's careful.
Anyway. don't you already have a doctor? Oh, yeah, yeah. We got Hogue.
See, the problem with Hogue is that... He's old.
Old and wholly unpleasant.
Point is, he's not going to be around forever. Thirty-five thousand?
Well, yeah, but that'd take a unanimous vote of the whole entire city council.
All in favor say "aye. " Aye.
Unanimous. I abstain.
You always abstain. Look,
I appreciate your problem,
.. but, but I'm not the answer.
Now, I got a big job interview on the West Coast.
It's very important I get down there in the next couple of days.
Plastic surgery, you know?
The truth is well they could probably pay me about twenty times what you could afford.
But now you know, there's a lot of similarities between Grady and Los Angeles.
They're just bigger, is all.
What do I owe you? Ten bucks.
Ten bucks for a cup of coffee and a couple pieces of toast?
Gotcha. Now, Ben, I'll tell you.
Why don't you wait to make up your mind till after the Squash festival, huh?
All I'm saying, Ben Stone, is give Grady a chance. I bet you'll like her.
Yeah, well, nice meeting you... all. Thanks.
Well, howdy Nurse Packer. How you doing? Doctor's lounge is down the hall.
You can change in there, and then I'll have Lou show you around. This is your time card.
You gotta be kidding.
Local call? I don't know anybody local.
Pay phone's in the waiting room.
Yeah, it's, no, it's a collect... It's a collect call from Dr. Benjamin Stone.
Stone.
Hey, come on, do you mind? This is a... personal call.
I guess so. Mr. Stone? Mr. Stone, are you there?
Uh, yeah. Hi. Yes, this is Dr. Stone.
Actually, that's why I'm calling. Um, I, uh,
I don't think I'm going to be able to make it on Tuesday.
No, I just, there was a,
a medical emergency, and, and, uh,
.. they don't have a doctor so I, of course volunteered my services,
.. and I'll need to stay until the situation stabilizes.
Yeah, medically speaking.
You're interviewing other doctors. Uh, Friday.
Yeah, okay, Friday. I can do that. Okay. No, thank you very much, and thank Dr. Ha...
That was better tap-dancing than I've seen on "Star Search. "
You know, if you tell me you're here for a physical, you're gonna make my day.
It's unprofessional to flirt with the patients.
I'm, uh, just on my way to Beverly Hills. Plastic surgery. Not that you need any.
Nice try. So, is this the GQ look for young urban doctors?
Well, I've spent the last 2 years doing 18-hour days in the E.R.
I find these are pretty comfortable.
You don't like 'em? No.
Okay, fine. Well, I uh I really enjoyed our time together here, but, um,
.. since you're obviously not a patient and I'm not getting anywhere,
tell me where I can find the guy named Lou who drives ambulance Ill get out ofyour life
I'm Lou.
Where did all these people come from?
Folks hear there's a doctor on duty at the hospital, they come running.
Any old doctor.
Send them in.
Okay, Mr. Tidwell.
What the hell have you got on your foot? That's a poultice.
Nurse Packer! I got a hold to ol' Doc Hogue on the C.B...
.. and he said that that'd hold me 'till I had time to come in.
You did this on purpose? Yes, sir.
It's chimney soot, biscuit flour and lard. Doc Hogue said that...
You wanna wipe that crap off Mr. Tidwell's foot, please,
.. and clean that wound out?
You allergic to penicillin? Don't know. You'd have to ask Doc Hogue.
Doubt Doc Hogue knows it's even been discovered.
Okay.
Nurse Packer, I'm going to wash this with Betadine,
.. close it with a butterfly,
.. give it a sterile dressing.
Oh, you sure you ought to be doing that so darn fast?
Well, I hope so Mr. Tidwell.
Because je suis fini. Olé.
Okay Mrs Owens if you could please get up on the table and put your feet in the stirrups.
We're just here about our mail.
It's from my sister. We don't read.
This ever happened to you before, Mr. McClary?
Hell yes, it happens.
Oh, this ain't nearly the biggest one I ever took.
I had a hook on my thigh once. It must have been, oh, I'd say like...
Oh, excuse me. I, yeah, well. Fishing's a dangerous business.
Well, it can be.
"And after the cow died, there just wasn't any reason for him to go on.
Meanwhile, Ellen's got herself mixed up with a Pakistani gentlemen..
.. who nobody can understand what he is saying. Not even Ellen. "
No, I don't see any toxic striations.
Red streaks.
Are you sure it was a black widow?
Oh, uh, here. I kept it in some T.P.
Oh dear Lord. It's escaped.
Shoot! Oh! Oh! Oh, step on it, step on it! Wait. There he goes, there he goes.
"She thinks Ray's having an affair with the pastor's wife,
.. but Ray swears it's just scrub oak rash. "
Ray is a nut. I'm telling you.
It's like a blurred spot in my vision.
Out there... no, there! No, no, there!
I'm cured.
"The pastor's wife got busted for growing marijuana out behind the rectory.
So she'll be spending a spell up in Tupelo at the minimum security prison. "
What? That's it?
What about Ellen and the Pakistani?
Nurse Packer? Nurse Packer? Where's Doc Hogue?
The boy can't breathe right and he's turning blue.
I'm the doctor here.
Nurse Packer, you gotta call Doc Hogue! Please!
It's all right. I'm the doctor.
How long's he been like this? All afternoon.
What's his name? Zeb.
Hey Zeb. It's gonna be a little cold, all right? I just want to hear your heart.
Does your tummy hurt?
Okay, why don't you take him down to the examination room. I'll be right there.
You know where that is? Right there, okay? All right.
Okay. Could you have Zeb get up on the table for me? Thanks.
All right call Hogue get him here right away He doesn't like to be disturbed after he's..
I really don't care. I'll tell you what. Forget Hogue. What's the referral hospital?
Athens General. Call Athens General.
Tell 'em we got a possible cardiac emergency Call Lou, tell her to fire up the ambulance.
No, forget it. They have a helicopter, right? Tell 'em to send the helicopter.
And get me all medical history you have on this boy.
I think I'd better call Dr. Hogue. Damn it!
Listen to me! Hogue is not here. I'm here! You do it!
Okay, here's the situation.
Your son is turning blue because he has an abnormal mitral valve.
It's causing a back flow of blood in his heart. We may have to operate.
I'm gonna send him to Athens General as soon as possible.
Dr Hogue said you should give the boy a Coke What?
He says he's probably got a bellyache and that you should give him a Coca-cola.
Listen, Doctor. I got a boy here in cardiac crisis.
You can't treat that with Coca-cola or Bisquick.
We're gonna have to use real medicine this time.
Now I'm sending him to Athens General. You're his regular fuckin' doctor.
You get your fat ass out of bed, get down here, and go with him!
How long is it going to take that goddamn chopper to show?
It should be here any minute.
Where's Stone? Dr. Hogue?
What the hell kind of snot-nosed puppy doctor are you, anyway?
Wake me up out of a sound sleep, scare these poor folks out of their skivvies!
Mitral valve regurge. Huh?
Look, I've had a lot of experience with it in E.R., okay?
I've even assisted in the surgery to correct
Now God only knows how long he's had this, but I guess you overlooked it.
Now why don't you go and check his color.
Nurse Packer, get that crap off of the boy!
Gene, you gave him the bismuth subnitrate, didn't you?
At first we thought it was the skitters. You gave him too much, as usual!
Turned him three shades of blue. Bismuth subnitrate?
Home-grown antacid. You hear a heart murmer?
No, it's hard to detect. You been sampling your daddy's chaw?
That'll be sixty-five cents.
Well, nice work, Hollywood.
You're just about to crack open the chest of a 6-year old boy to cure a case of diarrhea.
Now listen up, smart ass.
Next time I tell you how to treat a patient of mine, you better damn well do it! Doctor!
I doubt you'd know crap from Crisco.
Hey. Guten abend, herr Doktor.
Uh, yeah, right
SHIT!
Uh, wait. Wait. Hold your horses, Doc.
Now, what if I walked in in the middle of a hernia operation,
.. see some poor gentlemen's guts all over?
You killed my car. I resent that.
That car was my life, Melvin! That car was my baby!
You want me to stop now? I can put it in some boxes, ship it out to Hollywood for you
No skin off my nose. ÖI Pumpengehause.
You and me call it an oil pump casing.
Lane had two years of the German language in high school.
Es ist kaput.
Doc, let's step into my office.
I don't need a car.
I'm moving to Los Angeles. What do I need a car for?
Lash you'self to the mast, Doc.
There's a fella up in Oregon, he's got a oil pump he could air express to us tomorrow.
Two hundred and thirty-nine bucks, plus shipping. Only one problem.
Oregon exploded?
No. He don't take credit.
Or checks. And tomorrow being Saturday, you can't just wire some cash to him.
Okay, Melvin. Let me ask you this. How do you propose I pay for this?
I was hoping you'd pay me.
Then I could trade him for a front rocker assembly I got from a '68 Nova, but...
You don't take credit and you don't take checks.
No sir. I apologize. How long will this guy in Oregon wait?
I imagine I could stall him till Sunday noon Now, he's got another taker in Arizona.
But I was first.
Stall him.
Hi Doc. Hi Doc! Mornin' Doc.
Mornin' Ben Stone. Howdy, y'all.
Dr. Stone? Dr. Stone, I presume? Yeah, that's right.
Hi. Hi!
Say, you're much taller than they said you were.
Uh, I'm uh, sitting on a stool. Oh!
And... and you are? Dying to get out of this town.
How about you? Here's your breakfast.
Lillian, I haven't ordered yet. Compliments of the house.
Don't let old Hogue scare you off, Doc.
We know you weren't aiming to kill that boy last night.
Wait a minute. You're not plannin' on stayin' in Grady?
Oh, only as long as I have to. Thank God.
For a second there I thought they got their hooks into you, too.
What? You don't like Grady? No.
So how come you don't leave?
With you?
Is that a proposition, Doctor?
I better eat this before it gets cold. Excuse me. Nice meeting you.
Sure. Thanks, Lillian.
"Prosser on Torts?" "Civil Procedure?" a little light reading this morning Miss Lou
Did I invite you to sit down? No. But you were going to.
Southern hospitality and all.
Now what? Now let's talk about you.
Okay. I like my privacy. I'm a vegetarian, and I'd appreciate it if..
.. you'd take that slab of ham back up to counter with you. It gives me the willies
Uh, it's... I didn't order this slab. Oh, let's see now.
I suppose you'll say something cute to stall your retreat.
Maybe tell me all about the big city,
.. all the things I'm missing livin' in this dinky old town..
.. and how you'd like to be the one to take me out of it.
Yeah, okay. Now that you mention it. Isn't that why you're going to law school?
'Cause you want to get the hell out of this dinky little town?
I'm not going yet. And I plan to practice in Grady when I'm through.
Yeah, it looks like a hotbed of legal activity.
Well, malpractice for a visiting young surgeon seems promising.
Who's the green apple, Viloula?
Henry, this is Ben Stone. Hey.
Oh yeah. The new croaker. Hank Gordon. You're in my chair.
Boyfriend? Friend-friend.
Need any life insurance? What?
You should be vested in a term life program.
Probably, quarter of a mil to start.
Come by my office. We could run a what-if. Or are you too chicken?
Dr. Stone? I read somewhere that..
.. doctors have the highest suicide rate in any profession except dentistry.
Now, is that true? I won't underwrite dentists. Nope.
Never trust a man who'll put his hand in your mouth.
Well, I'd love to stay and hear where this conversation's headed,
.. but if you'll all excuse me.
There's something else I wanted to ask you.
Do doctors know more about... sex than normal people?
I need some ketchup.
I have a fair knowledge of animal husbandry. It's all pretty much the same thing.
Bye Doc. Bye.
Women trouble, Ben Stone? Nah.
Squat it here.
Regard the Grady squash, sir. Looks like a yellow zucchini.
Nope, nope. See,
up until 1933, you had your Grady, you had your zucchini.
They goin' at it, gourd to gourd.
Freak tornado accident wiped out a whole entire shipment of Grady's bound for,
I personally believe, agricultural stardom at the Chicago World's Fair.
Zucchini took there. Never relented.
If it had gone the other way, no telling where this town would be today.
What are you talking about?
Timing. Same thing with women.
And with Southern women, well, they require a substantial commitment.
You might have to stay here six months. I don't know, maybe more.
Are you a betting man, Nick?
Well, I have been known on occasion.
Take me about a week.
You mean, Viloula in the center pocket? Ten bucks?
Ten? Okay, you got it.
I'm tell... feels like I'm fleecing you, Ben Stone.
Easy.
Hello, Nurse Packer.
All right. Ha ha. Okay, let's get something straight right now, okay?
I got 8 years of higher education. I got 1 year of internship I got 1 year of residency
I'm seventy thousand dollars in debt.
Now, I'm waylaid in this Hee-Haw hell and you insist on clocking me in and out..
.. like Im some kind of factory worker! Well no! N-O, no! This is where I draw the line.
I believe you have a visitor, Doctor.
Doc, my foot feels so good, I brought you this pig.
Okay.
I can't abide being in no man's debt. This pig's all I got to give.
Why? I'm already paid more or less by the hospital. I really can't accept your pig.
It's a done deal.
She's your pig now.
God bless you both.
Keep you animal outside. This is a hospital.
Nice pig there, Doc. Thank you.
Healthy pig, Dr. Stone. Thank you very much. Appreciate it.
Nice pig, Doc. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you all very much.
Ben Stone! Say, I think I just took away your last reason to go to California.
Morrsiville Drum and Bugle Corps!
They played the last four years at the Rose Parade.
I got 'em under exclusive contract to the Grady Squash Festival.
Nick, Nick, Nick? I'm no... I'm no... I'm not staying.
Sure you aren't.
Oh, by the way, dinner at my house tomorrow night, six o'clock.
Dinner? Yeah Didnt I tell you? You're guest of honor
Shoot the monkey! If my head wasn't attached, I'd need wood screws to 'em.
Nice pig, Doc. Thanks. Can I bring a date?
Well, I don't know. Can you?
This is Ben Stone you're talking to. Come on pig!
Fine pig, Doc.
Melvin?
Oh, hey Doc.
We're just rehearsing for the pageant. We doing a pollination rap song.
Uh, Melvin, listen. Uh, I uh, don't have the money for the oil ge pumkin, hausen thing.
I mean, when I say I haven't got the money, I mean, that's... that's not entirely true.
I mean, I have the money. I'm good for the money.
It's just a matter of, you know, accessing the money in a period of time.
Can we work something out, please? I mean, I...
.. this car has got to be ready by the time I leave, you know?
That your pig? Yeah.
You want to trade? Uh, pig for the part?
If you can part with the pig.
Good.
Hi. Hi.
You just pick those? Yes, ma'am.
They're protected by law. State flowers.
Figures.
Well I'm already serving time for the fence. I might as well take my chances, right?
Mama! Mama, who is it? Who are you?
I'm, uh, uh, Ben.
Emma, take these inside and put them in some water, okay?
You're not supposed to pick these. Use the plastic pitcher.
Yeah, she's mine. She's four. You wanna retreat now or...
No, no, no. I... No, I... actually,
I just came by because, uh, I need a date for dinner tomorrow night.
Nick Nicholson's? Yeah, how'd you know?
Can't poop in this town without everyone knowing what color it is.
I was, uh, fixing to have a cocktail. Are you in a hurry?
Oh man, that's tart.
It's called a "slow comfortable screw up against a wall," with a twist.
Is that a Grady specialty? No, New York City.
New York? Yeah.
I worked at one of those weirdo theme bars on the West Side.
Wayne and I went to college in New York. Wayne.
Then he dropped out, I got pregnant. He couldn't get work, so I bartended.
I managed to finish school, though. Um, Wayne isn't still...
Wayne is a professional dancer.
You know, one of those exotic Chippendale things. He's in Boston, Miami.
I can't keep track.
He left me after Emma was born. I divorced him and came running back here.
Wayne has this extremely high opinion of his legs.
You know, I just can't picture you in the big city.
I mean, New York. Yeah, it's like me... In Grady?
Yeah. Well, peel an onion. There's lots of layers.
What layer is Hank on?
Henry Gordon's sweet on me.
And he's pretty decent and solid once you get past..
.. the Insurance Rebel Without a Clause routine.
Decent and solid. Very romantic.
I can see you comin' from half a mile away, Dr. Stone.
You and your slick city ways.
I suspect your version of romance is whatever will separate me from my panties.
Okay, look. All I'm talking about is dinner.
You know, in public. Wear a dress. Panties are optional.
Well, I never have had dinner at the mayor's house. -Oh boy.
After all how could I possibly refuse the man who saved Jasmine from the butcher?
What? Wait, what are you talking about? Tidwell's pig.
He was about to take her in and sell her for pork chops,
.. you hadn't fixed his foot and made him feel guilty.
Emma loves pigs. You keeping her over at your house?
Lane! Lane! Lane, where's Melvin? Where's Melvin? I, I want my pig back.
Wait. Did you say he went to church at this hour?
A big revival meetin' up in Tylerville. He won't be back 'til...
Hey Lane! Are you allowed to come out here?
'Cause I can't understand what the hell you're saying.
Melvin's gone to church. He's gone to Tylerville.
The pig? She got took to the butcher. Melvin took my pig to the butcher?
What?
Ah, Mr. Crawford. Uh, where's my pig?
You know, Jasmine, my pig. Is, uh, is she still alive?
Oh yes. She's in the back. Ah. Thank God. Thank God. I want her back,
Well, Doc...
All right, I know what you're gonna say. Fair enough. Um, you take plastic?
Not unless it's wrapped around a stack of cash.
All right, listen. Uh, maybe we can work it out in trade.
Um, I don't know. I ain't been sick in three years, Doc.
But I got an idea.
Say, where did you learn to carve like that? You're pretty darn good with a knife.
Whoa! Hey, Maddie. Hey, Emma. Hi Doc.
So, you guys are pig-sitting for me tonight?
Hey, Jasmine. Whoa! Who are you?
Don't tease me. No, I'm serious. You look little like Lou,
.. but you're a lot prettier. I'm warning you, Stone.
I could probably whoop you in a fistfight. All right. All right.
Be a good girl. I will. Bye.
Okay, whoa, Okay, hold on. Be a good girl. We'll be late.
Not too much TV for her, okay? Okay.
She's a real pig about that.
Hi! Come on in! Welcome! Thanks.
You look fantastic! So do you.
And you look handsome, too. Thanks.
Daddy's in the backyard tending his usual firestorm in the barbecue.
So you're Nick's daughter. Oh gosh, I hope so. I'm in his will.
Hey, y'all. Looks who's here.
Hello Lou. 'Lo Stone. Check Hollywood for knives.
I don't want him operating on me later, in case I sneeze or something.
Isn't this gonna be fun?
Oh, no thank you. I'm a vegetarian. I know, dear. But I'm still hopeful.
So am I... a vegetarian. Oh, since when?
Then you have some of this squash, Ben Stone. Flesh of the earth. Don't be shy.
I'm not sure I trust a man who doesn't eat meat.
Hank, don't be so provincial. Where's your sense of adventure?
Probably give vegetarians a better rate for life insurance than a smoker,
.. though, for example.
On account of that low cholesterol factor. Daddy, please? New subject.
We wanna hear all about California.
I heard that the women out there have their chests enlarged,
.. their thighs vacuumed and barf on purpose Not while people are eating.
Yeah, tell us about real doctorin', Stone. You know, big city medicine, huh?
Well, you know, so much has changed in the forty years..
.. since you went to medical school, Doctor. I wouldn't really know where to start.
Smart ass. Got you good!
More squash, Ben? No, I mean, no, no thank you.
"Out of the cradle endlessly rocking...
Out of the mockingbird's throat...
The musical shuttle...
Out of the ninth month... " Is this one of the long ones? -No.
Long ones?
Doc Hogue does the complete Walt Whitman if you don't monitor his drinking.
"Down from the showered halo...
Up from the mystical play of shadows. "
Man, I haven't seen this many stars in a long time.
I used to get so bored in this town, I'd try to count 'em.
I could've gone to med school.
Just the science part of it I had a problem with.
I'd lie on my back. Sometimes Wayne would be on top of me, doing the wild thing.
It was hard not to lose my place. God, that's romantic.
Then we moved to Manhattan. You could hardly see any stars, let alone count 'em.
The stars I'd like to see are more of the two-legged kind.
Earthquake insurance's something I'm keen to take a whack at out there in L.A.
Talk about your no-brainer.
Collect premiums for a gazillion years, and if the Big One ever does hit,
.. declare bankruptcy and retire.
Decent and solid. Nobody's perfect.
Hank, you gotta take Hogue home. He's about to launch into "Song of Myself. "
Oh, my Lord.
Never a dull moment, eh, Ben Stone? I'll call you later.
Make sure you got home okay.
Goodnight. G'night.
Ouch! Shit!
Hey, I forgot my pig.
She's sleeping with Em. I'll drop her off in the morning.
Greek death? Take the edge off.
Take the edge off of what?
Me.
You, uh, ran all the way over here. Oh yeah.
I ran and walked. I got a stitch in my side.
Why are you giving me the full court press..
.. if you're only leaving in a couple of days, anyway?
You know, I don't know.
It's like some kind of mystical force.
Force or hormones?
Hey, hey, come on! Um, all I wanna do is talk.
And get you sloppy drunk.
Honesty. That's a new approach. I know.
you're forcing me into uncharted territory here.
Hell, I might even try chastity.
It seems to have worked for Hank.
Speak of the devil.
Well, listen, um... maybe a rain check?
I never should have accepted those flowers.
What about tomorrow night? Oh, desperation. I like this...
Still, I...
I wouldn't want the mayor to have to lose ten bucks over me, you know.
Morning.
Funny. Funny.
Morning Doc! That's a nice pig you got there.
Yeah, that's what they tell me.
Hey, Mr. McClary, be careful you don't get another hook in your finger!
Don't worry Doc! We're not using hooks today.
It's all right. All right.
He's a nice pig, Doc! It's a she, actually.
Relax, will you?
You know, house calls are probably my favorite part of the job.
Just driving out into the country, seeing what might pop up around the next bend.
Rainbows, frost on the kudzu.
John Muir said it. "Most people are on the world, not in it. " You know?
What?
Nothing.
What?
Uh, listen. You, you better let me handle this one alone, all right? Obstetrical exam.
Okay. Sure.
"So Jimmy Joe went over to the Pakistani's house with a shotgun... "
Excuse me. Jimmy Joe is Ellen's brother? No, no, no. Boyfriend.
Ah! I was stumped on that, too.
"And he stayed outside shooting holes in the fellows foreign car..
.. until Ellen came out and agreed to come back home with him.
It's the most romantic thing Jimmy Joe's ever done for her. "
Tough one.
How's Ellen making out with the Pakistani man?
Get 'im! Get 'im! Come on, Bubba!
I said, I said no shots!
Sit up, please. Okay, this won't hurt.
Well, I don't see an infection.
But...
Okay, hold still.
What is that? A V-8? He did it!
You know, house calls used to be an essential part of every doctor's practice.
I mean, the only way you could really get to know your patients was..
.. to see where they lived, how they lived.
Maybe when I get to Halberstrom's, I'll get him to institute some kind of..
.. visitation program. I mean, literally outpatient work.
Damn it!
Lou?
Hey Lou!
Lou.
You see another one? They mark their way with these. -Who?
'Cause they're too stupid or too drunk to remember where they were most times.
Who? Hunters.
Maybe this is the end of the... Yeah, see? There it is.
That's where they sit and wait for the slaughter.
It's not like they do it for food either. God, it gets me so hot!
Wanna help me here?
Ah, wha-what you doin'? I'm urinating.
You, just, uh... you just drop trou whenever you feel like it?
Well, it scares the deer away so the hunters won't get 'em.
I can't... Uh, why, why, why don't you just, you know, say "boo" or somethin'?
I try to spread it around, a little here, a little there.
Feel free to join in.
Anyway, it's not like I planned to be pregnant at nineteen, but..
.. it could have been worse than Wayne. Wendall Barnes.
You'd be interested in him. He comes from a whole family that doesn't have sweat glands.
Really? I'm fascinated by the glandless.
I guess it's genetic. During the summer, they all sleep under the house..
.. on account of the heat. That's a touching story,
Really. Thanks for sharing that with me.
You don't see a lot of things in Grady, but what you do see, you see a lot of.
Yeah, I'm from a small town myself. What?
Marionville, Indiana.
Population two thousand, one hundred and six. Home of the worlds largest steam engine
But you've been telling everybody that you're fr...
No, no, no, no, no. Everybody assumed I was a big-city guy.
Nobody asked.
Anyway, I got out and I'm staying out.
Have you still got your whole family there?
Well, they talked about leaving, but my dad never quite...
They lived there, they died there.
For better, for worse.
So when I left home, I just swore to myself I was never going back.
It's not the place, it's the person.
Be careful what you wish for, Ben Stone. You might get it.
What's that supposed to mean?
You've never been back, not even to see your friends?
Well, who's got time for friends, you know?
Lou, you gotta get Doctor Stone back here A.S.A.P. Over.
We got a possible coronary emergency. Where the hell is Hogue when we need him?
Can't Doc Hogue handle this? It is Hogue. Over.
Hey, lie down. No crap. I'm doomed.
Lie down now. You're having a heart attack. My angina's acting up, is all.
You got any nitro pills out there in the back?
No, get a bolus of Lidocaine. I'm the senior sawbones around here, Stone.
PVC's are too close to your T-waves. Another 30 secnds you're gonna be in serious trouble
Will you get this weanling away from me?
Listen, if I'm wrong, the Lidocaine won't hurt you. And if you're wrong,
.. you're looking at a ventricular fib. I'm never wrong.
Shit! All right!
Get that defibrillator over here.
Never wrong.
Four hundred watts.
Clear. Clear!
Heartbeat? Sixty.
Wow. You mean he actually has one?
All right, keep him on oxygen and set the Lidocaine drip.
Guess I'm staying here tonight.
Oh, Doctor. I've got your bed ready.
Right.
Sleep well, Doctor.
At which point all the bees, including Melvin,
.. lunged off the edge of the stage like lemmings. A standing ovation.
Variations on a theme. Hey, sorry I missed it.
That's the first squash pageant that I missed in fifteen years.
What's going on here?
It's called moral support for the recovering patient.
Cherry cobbler, Ben? Everybody out, let's go.
Come on, visiting hour's over.
Oh, don't mind Doc Hollywood. He doesn't know what it means to be beloved.
So long, Doc.
If you've come to clean the room, my bedpan's ripe...
Oh no! Not Maggie's sweet potato pie!
You can razz me all you want, Doc.
I saved your life last night.
You know it and I know it.
Gotcha.
Hi there. How you doin'?
Hello! Hi Sue Ellen!
Third one from the left.
Leon, you need to share your belly.
They're over here.
Watch that balloon, honey.
Dr. Halberstrom, please. This is Ben Stone calling.
He's in consultation. What's this regarding?
Well, uh, it's regarding...
I'm not gonna be able to make my interview on Friday.
The doctor has a very tight schedule.
I realize the doctor has a tight schedule.
It's just that Im not gonna be able to leave without..
Right, I...
Is there any way that he can reschedule the appointment for another time?
All right. Thanks a lot.
Slow down, slow down. Come on, follow me.
Here you go. Get hot and take a shot. Step up, get hot and take a shot.
What's the object of this one, pal?
Ten shots a dollar. Five bull's-eyes win a possum.
Supposing I was to hit five out of five? Bud, you do that I'll give you two possums.
Sir, run Henry a tab. He feels deadly today.
Evening, Dr. Stone.
Hey, Doc!
Öle Pumpengehause?
The new one's in. Your chariot's as good as new, or..
good as new-used, since it's old. You fixed my car?
Even oiled the ashtray. Oh man! I can't believe this!
Melvin, thanks man!
There's always some extra parts when I put 'em back together. I don't know why.
But you go ahead on. Keep 'em.
Dance with me or I'm dog food. What?
Wendall Barnes. Of the glandless Barnes?
Jesus. Yeah. Come on.
Absolutely.
You see, the trick...
.. is just to visualize the target on the backs of your eyeballs..
.. and then pretend you're just shooting yourself in the eye.
I can't keep up. Thanks. Thanks.
How's Hogue?
Meaner than ever.
Dance?
Where's Hank?
I forget.
Music stopped.
What music?
Dr. Stone.
I have a present for you. Thanks, Judge.
I want to thank you for saving my old friend Hogue's miserable life.
And that said, I wouldn't be able to call myself a Christian..
.. if I didn't give you a full pardon on the remainder of your sentence.
You're free to go whenever you want.
What I wouldn't give to be a young man on the road, foot-loose and fancy-free.
Did I tell you? I've already got plans for a new fence.
All of a sudden, I got a bug in my ear for one of those..
.. solid oak numbers with curly tops.
Hey! Victory!
Did you kill that critter all by yourself, Hank?
Very funny. Ha, ha.
Don't you have some kind of urgent business thousands of miles away from here, Doctor?
Viloula. Your daughter was dumping grasshoppers in the punch bowl again.
Only two.
Shake a leg with the judicial branch, Miss Nicholson?
Why, I'd love to. Thank you.
Would you hold this possum, Emma?
I think its time I reacquainted your ma with some real dancin. ' No offense, Hollywood.
When you gonna bring your pig back 'round?
Hey there, Ben Stone. Hey, how are you?
Been looking for you. What a great day.
Boy, this is it.
The pinnacle of existence, the grandeur of Grady.
The sap of life. Couldn't be happier if I was twenty.
Put on a hell of a festival, Mayor. Ain't you nice to say so.
Ben, let's talk turkey, or-or squash, as it were.
About what? Home.
Heart. Happiness.
You belong here, Ben Stone.
Breaks my heart to think of you out there in...
.. in the land of the lunatics..
.. and I'm danged if I'm gonna let you go without holding up a mirror to your face,
like that smile of contentment there. So see that?
See that? That's a face that's liked and loved,
.. a face with friends and a future. Find some way to force me to stay?
Ben? I'm everything but devious.
Mayor Nicholson, could you come check these ribs and tell me if they're done?
I sure can.
Rigors of the job, huh?
Well, you got your fire way too high, I'll tell you that.
Oh, we're gonna burn down our house. Well, don't do that.
Come on, come on.
Hi, Doc. Howdy. Gentlemen.
Mine went out. Okay. Careful with those things.
I know I shouldn't be doing this..
.. because you're leaving the day after tomorrow, but I don't care,
I can't help it. So get in.
Do you mean what I think you mean? Just get in if you're gonna get in.
Lou, I gotta be honest with you.
Rowing a boat is not what I had in mind.
Not bad, huh?
Incredible.
What was that? Freshwater mullet.
They see the sparks from the skyrockets, think it's food and jump for it.
Well, that's scary.
Maybe I could sit next to you and you could protect me.
No, you'll throw us off balance. I want you off balance.
Jesus, he's in the boat! Get him! Get 'im! Killer fish! Killer fish!
Watch it! You'll tip us over. Watch it. Okay, I got it.
You did that on purpose.
All right, I admit it.
I worked my way through college by training bass.
Lou? It's okay.
Listen, if you don't want...
Ben, I don't think I've ever wanted anything more in my entire life, ever.
I'm just not used to being a one-night stand.
You don't have to be. I mean, you could...
No, I wouldn't know what to do with myself in Los Angeles.
There are too many choices.
Let's not think about it, okay?
I can't do this.
Do you mind walking from here? I don't wanna give the gossips any more fat to chew.
All right.
Don't worry, Benjamin. It'll all work out.
Yeah.
Hey, Jasmine!
Hey, Hank!
You've made me real mad.
About what? What do you think?
I know you were out on that lake with her.
It makes me sick to think of you and her... Nothing happened.
Oh, right! Hey, nothing happened...
Come on, tough guy! Come on, country boy! You want to take a shot at me, huh? Come on!
What are you doin'? Come on, country boy! Get up, let's go!
Are you paranoid or something?
No. But I'm a little confused.
Suppose you and her'll be getting married now.
What?
It's the southern way.
Man and woman as one.
Make sacrifices to build equity in a future that has security.
Why do you sound like a Mutual of Omaha ad?
Fine. Joke it up. At least I was prepared to marry her.
She's not in love with you, Hank.
Okay. That's the only roadblock, though.
Let me ask you something.
Don't you think a guy's entitled to choose his own destiny?
You know, whether it's in a small town or-or even in California.
Just that he shouldn't have it handed to him.
You know, like its a.. Yeah you know, like.. A hat?
Right. Okay. Good, like a hat.
Your father wore it, your grandfather wore it, too. And now you're stuck with it.
Only the damn thing is too small, you know. It just doesn't fit.
I hate a tight hat.
And there's a lot of hats out there, Hankster, and, and,
.. and even if this one fits,
.. and I'm not saying that it does, just hypothetically,
how do you know it's the right one when you haven't even tried any others on?
I sure haven't.
I mean, that's what I'm talking about.
I just don't want to screw up her life.
You know, Hollywood,
.. sometimes, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
And maybe, maybe, it's in California.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Well, I'm glad we got that cleaned up. Me, too, Hank.
Don't that take the rag off the bush? Don't forget what I told you.
Please!
Shit.
Shit! Shit!
Dr. Stone.
Mary, thought I'd drop by, see how you were doing.
No damn good. Water's broke. I hurt. This ain't like none of the others.
Nah, they never are.
Mary, did Doc Hogue say anything to you about this baby..
.. might be comin' out the wrong way? Oh! He's comin'! He don't care which way!
Ah, fiddlesticks. Don't push, Mary. I can run, get an ambulance.
No, there's no time for that, Kyle. Why don't you go into my duffel bag.
There's four or five clean shirts in there.
I want you to get them and rip them into even pieces.
All right. Listen.
Mary, don't push. All right? I know you're going to want to but just don't push.
I'm gonna try to turn him around so he's coming out the right way.
Is it these ones?
Ar-man-i? Armani. Armani. Those are the ones...
Okay, now! Now! That's good! Great! Great! Great!
Okay, okay, okay. Faster.
Now go! Push! Push, Mary! Push, Mary. You're doing great!
You're doing great.
I got a leg. I got a leg. Okay.
Okay, don't push.
Okay, all right. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Someone's comin'.
What? Doc, someone's comin'!
Go ahead, go ahead. Okay, all right!
Okay, one more big one. Here we go. Here we go. Push! Push, Mary! Great!
Doc, your car!...
What do I do?
Okay!
Good girl! What do I do?
Push, Mary.
It's a girl.
I think I can fix that.
Stone!
Shit.
You rang? First breech you ever delivered?
First baby I ever delivered, by myself.
Whiskey? No thanks.
In fact, I wouldn't recommend that for you either.
Well, you're not my doctor and you're not my wife.
So I guess you don't have very much to say about it.
So, you're not fixin' to stay, eh, Stone?
Changed your mind, eh?
Now that your car's all busted to bubkes and..
.. ya-you're feeling pretty good about yourself in general, huh?
Yes. Come here...
I added them up once.
Over seven hundred babies I delivered in this town over the years.
Nurse Packer. She popped right out complete with teeth and hair and bit me. An omen.
Nicholson. Hank. Yeah,
I gave them birth, saw them through every sneeze and sniffle, and..
.. sometimes even walked them to the grave site.
They're pretty well my portfolio, Stone.
That, and an old car, an old house.
I wouldn't trade any of them for gold.
Well, maybe gold. Or cash money.
Hey. Doc.
Kyle. Hey, Mary. How's our girl?
We've decided. She's gonna be Benjamina. After you.
What? Thank you.
Uh, there's an obstetrician comin' up from Athens General later today..
.. just to make sure everything's okay.
Benjamina.
Yo, Doc.
I wanted to just thank you for, you know, everything. So..
I made you this in appreciation.
I don't know, it ain't very much so if there's ever anything I can do for you,
.. anything at all.
Just let me know what happens with Ellen, Jimmy Joe, and the Pakistani.
I heard what happened last night. You did great.
I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Well, sometimes that's the best way.
Um, Ben. There's something that I wanted to say.
Something I wanted to say to you first. Is that okay? -Okay.
So, I... I've been doing a lot of thinking about last night, I mean.
Last night was really difficult for me.
'Cause you see, everything's all turned around now. You know?
I've been thinking about,
.. about you and me and big cities, small towns and uh...
Well, I;m gonna marry Hank.
I've decided.
It's a plane ticket to Los Angeles.
The whole town chipped in.
I mean, we kept you here this long and..
.. if you have to wait for Melvin to fix your car again.
You've got Los Angeles waitin' for you. I've got Emma.
It's not fair to you.
Hank's steady and, he's here.
You,
You're like a big, bright shootin' star and you're right, Ben, you'd burn out here.
Oh man. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute!
Well, Ben Stone. You have five minutes to say good-bye to Shangi-la.
Cotton'll give you a police escort to the airport.
We made you a sack lunch. Airplane food can cause gas.
Well, guess I'll watch after your pig.
Just hope she takes to the farm after living in town like this.
Appreciate it.
A lot of folks around here gonna miss you.
I don't mean me, but a lot of folks.
Adieu.
Back to the interstate, Ben Stone, huh? Back to the interstate.
Bye.
You okay? Oh, oh, yes. I am fine.
Good morning, Halberstrom Clinic. Would you hold, please?
Good morning, Halberstrom Clinic.
Good morning, Hal... oh, hold. Yes, Doctor.
Mr. Stone? Dr. Stone.
Oh. Uh, Dr. Halberstrom could see you now.
You have any idea how many applications I had to go through this year, Stone?
Oh, yes sir. That's why I knew this interview was important, sir.
I would have been here earlier if I could have been. I do think though that...
I know you're a great surgeon, Stone. That whole pile's full of great surgeons.
Do expect some special consideration because we come from the same hometown..
because I knew your father before he died? No, sir.
Good, because you didn't get shit.
You wouldn't have been here at all..
.. if it hadn't been for a call I got from Dr. Aurelius Hogue.
Dr. Hogue called you?
Well, I saw two doctors last week with more experience than you and..
.. better board certification scores.
Doctor Hogue's a piece of work, isn't he? What did he say?
You were doing volunteer family practice down south somewhere.
Yes, uh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, that's right.
Went there to get that small town chip off your shoulder, didn't you?
Yeah.
Well, you're braver than I was, Stone.
In any case, Hogue said you were quote,
"one hellaciously fine physician. "
That I would be "a bovine, clodplated, citified moron" if I..
.. didn't hire you on the spot. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget.
So, I guess you're in, Stone. Congrats.
What time to I tee off? You do play golf, don't you?
Great, great. Don't worry about that one. It's not anywhere you can see it.
Secret to this business, son, is to get a good pace going for yourself.
Now, nobody likes to admit it. Medicine's a volume business.
Ninety-nine percent of what we do is boilerplate surgery.
But it means we can afford the one percent that's meaningful.
Disfigurements, birth defects, harelips.
Cleft palates. You'll live for those moments.
'Course, the bigger you get, the bigger the nut.
We're a service industry. Comes with the territory-fixed costs, specialization.
People adjust to it or fail. Cable TV. You're going to see some changes, Stone.
Stone? Go see if, uh, patient number 434 is in pre-op yet.
We can squeeze one more in before lunch, don't you think?
Hi. This is the National Weather Service forecast..
.. for the greater Grady area tomorrow.
There'll be plenty of sunshine and blue skies.
The ol' temperature should be in the nineties again,
.. but a cool afternoon breeze will make it all worthwhile come evening.
Y'all look out for the lightning bugs after sunset.
Actress alert. Excuse me?
Some girl called for you.
Said you'd know who it was. Said she meet you at this bar.
Like, as if you're gonna rush right over there. Right.
Totally unbelievable Southern accent. An actress, I'll bet.
Oh, yes.
Hi, can I help you?
Uh, yeah. Hi. I'm supposed to meet someone, a-a girl.
Ben.
Coming. Uh, Nancy Lee.
Well, I had to give it a shot, you know, I mean.
I just thought just in case... Guess not.
You, uh... drove all this way just to bring me my car?
Sort of. Well, I mean, you know.
Gave me an excuse to get the hell out of Grady.
Pardon my French. I mean, things were bad before, but..
.. since you left they got positively stagnant.
How's Hogue? Well, he's the same.
Melvin? Same.
How's your dad?
Why don't you ask me about Viloula? No, like nah.
I mean, what's there to ask, really? I mean, I guess,... you know, she and Hank are...
You're in my chair.
Slide a bit, Nancy Lee.
There's a man in the toilet selling aftershave. Now, what's that all about?
Hank.
What are doing here? Took my own advice, Doc.
Knowing when to stay, when to get out.
Yeah, I... I thought you and Lou were gonna get...
Oh, Lou was never gonna marry me. So I broke it off clean.
You, you dumped her?
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Even if it's in California. Sense of higher purpose, you know.
Is that, is that a star?
No, that's Ted Danson.
I'm going for breakfast. You want anything. How 'bout Bob Barker?
I'll see what I can do.
Howdy.
You steal that pig?
Well, I heard she was wasting away in this one-pig town so...
And you thought you'd come back and rescue her.
Yeah, something like that.
And what makes you think she'll take you back?
Because I love her.
Go back to Los Angeles.
I don't want Los Angeles.
I want you.
You got great tonsils.
That ain't all.
You know, I just thought of something.
I guess I'm gonna have time to collect that ten dollars from Nicholson.
You lost that bet. I did not lose. Says who?
Says me. Says you?
You have no say in this bet. You are the bet.
I don't care. The bet was for one week. You lost.
Uh, it's your word against mine.
You mean you would sully my reputation for ten measly dollars?
Absolutely. I don't even know what sully means.